Fighting for Hope - Jose
I was born in South America, and my life started with a lot of uncertainty. I spent my early years in an orphanage. When I was three, I was adopted. I was given a life filled with opportunities to belong, love, and grow.
Even as a child, being adopted left a mark on my heart and made me wonder: Why was I left behind? Was I really wanted? Where do I truly belong?
These unspoken doubts followed me as I grew up, and even though I was surrounded by loving people, I still felt alone sometimes.
From a young age, I remember starting to lie and manipulate my parents. The lies and manipulations became shields for the fear, creating distance between the people who loved me. It became easier to hide behind lies than to face how I really felt.
By the time I was 14, drugs became part of my life. I started using nicotine and marijuana. I also struggled with suicidal thoughts and feelings. It was a very dark time, and I couldn’t see a way out. I didn’t realize that using drugs would open a door I couldn’t close. It hurt my relationships, my thoughts, and my self-worth. I pushed away the people who loved me and trapped myself in pain.
As my addiction got worse, I found it easier to lie, especially to my parents. I hurt the people who had always loved me, no matter what. Whenever they trusted me, I would abuse their trust to feed my habits. I felt terrible about what I did, but I convinced myself that I was beyond their trust and forgiveness. I lived in my cocoon of hurt, pain, and feeling worthless. I told myself I had ruined every good thing in my life and that life wasn’t worth living anymore.
But God wasn’t done with me. He still had a plan for my life, and He wanted to reach me, no matter what it took. In my darkest time, I came to Rock Solid Refuge, and I brought all my pain, worthlessness, and bitterness. A big part of me thought that the program would be worthless to me, and that I was beyond forgiveness. But deep inside, a small hope remained. Maybe I could change.
Slowly, things started to get better. I still had thoughts of suicide, but during those dark times, staff and other students reminded me that life was still worth living. I had to seek forgiveness for the damage I had done and the lies I had told myself. Here at RSR, I learned that addiction isn’t just about drugs. It’s rooted in a soul that is hungry for God. I kept rejecting Him because I didn’t want to believe that someone in my life cared for and loved me. So I thought I could put my trust in something other than God. But I kept turning Him away. But through it all, God never left me. He was there when I felt unlovable, worthless, and unforgivable. He put people in my life to help me see that I was worth helping and worth making sacrifices for.
God began restoring what I had broken. My relationship with my parents was starting to heal, and that alone has been a great encouragement. If my parents can forgive me for years of lying and deceiving, then how could God not forgive me?
If there is one thing that I could tell you, it is that no one is too far from being forgiven, even those who think they are unforgivable. I know because I was that person, but now I am freed by God’s grace and goodness. I hold on to
1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
God forgave me when I thought I was beyond his grace. Now I live as a living testimony to that forgiveness, telling others that no matter how broken you feel, there is always a hope, a grace, and a way back.
